When I was in my raging hormonal teen years I read the book The Secret. Initially my mom was reading it. And I picked it up, flipped through the pages and saw that it was a short read and that’s why I decided I would read it. I hated reading and convinced myself it was not as exciting as other teenage things I could be doing. This book intrigued the fuck out of me. Telling me I could manifest something. That I could have what I want if I believe that I already have it.

I thought I’d go into it full throttle. I knew exactly what I wanted. A boyfriend. Not just any boyfriend, this guy in school who had no idea who I was, a grade above me, and so tall that he would literally look right over me when passing in the halls. His name was James. He had blonde hair, blue eyes, and I had a massive crush on him while I watched him flirt with this other beautiful, tall, and blonde girl. How could I compete? I was short, mousy brown frizzy hair that I straightened every day but I wasn’t fooling anyone. Not to mention I had some fucked up eyebrows. Not the most confident girl, but I was witty, funny, and maybe that came off as charming. My flirting skills we are a -2 compared to other gals there.

Ok enough about that. What I would do every night is tell myself (and the universe) that James and I were dating. I imagined us together, holding hands, him looking at me all in a lovey daze. I believed that some miracle would happen and he would notice me. Fast forward 3-4 months later. We’re together. Happily. He was the first guy who I went to second base with! He was my first love, I think I was his too.  Anyways, it didn’t last cause of the typical high school drama got the best of us. James is now happily married and owns a little farm. (Secretly praying he never reads this).

I realized how powerful this “Law of attraction” is. I felt powerful.

When I moved to Seattle I started getting super into yoga. Everyday I’d come home from my boring ass job and play around in my living room. By play I mean copycat other psychically advanced yogis. I would be making so much noise my landlord thought I was having some kind of orgy. He was convinced I was a whore, but that’s another story. Then I found Kino MacGregor. Majority of the yogis reading this know exactly who she is. Anyways, I felt it in my heart she was my spirit animal. I saw she had a 200RYT, all about Ashtanga. So I applied. I had about 700 bucks in my savings and being that this training was not only in Miami but almost 5K I felt a little shit out of luck. But I said hell no. I’m going to this damn training. So I wrote on a piece of paper, “I will be accepted into the MLC Ashtanga training program and learn from Kino.” Kind of a mouthful but it was my mantra before I went to bed. Every single night. I was certain that there was a spot in there for me.  Then I got the email. “Sorry Sydney, the class is currently full. We will put you on a waitlist.” A WAITLIST?! Yeah like anyone is going to back out of that opportunity. And how many others are on this “waitlist”? 1000 people applied and only 20 get in. Why would I think I could get in…

Well, I said fuck it. What did I have to lose? I’m going to keep saying my mantra because being waitlisted was just a challenge from the universe to see if I actually wanted this. AND I WANTED IT! A month before the training started some girl broke her foot and I got my spot in the training.

You may be reading this and think coincidence. Or maybe you’re thinking what the fuck is this witchcraft. It freaks me out to, but I like getting my way. Don’t you?

Living in Seattle was starting to wear on me. I started sparking an interest in traveling. Not just a little week vacay. Like months of traveling, writing about it, and doing crazy shit I never thought I’d do. I’ve always loved traveling. So I had this huge plan to take my settlement money from a car accident and go on a long trip. I budgeted out everything. Anyways, I chickened out. I didn’t believe in myself. And I decided to move to California and buy a car. I have a bit of regret for being such a wuss. I guess I felt like I loved the idea but wasn’t ready. I think my dad convinced me I wasn’t ready. Silly me.

Anyways, the manifesting doesn’t have to stop. I wrote in my journal that I would go to Asia for 3 months. I don’t know why I picked 3 months. Maybe because it seemed practical with the whole visa tourist thing. I wrote it at the end of every single entry. I had no plans and definitely no money. But I had a lot of faith. Here’s where it gets weird. One night I was talking to a friend of a friend who told me about this surf and yoga retreat. They said they were looking for a yoga teacher. I’m almost positive he told me they were in Nicaragua. Anyways, I reached out to them. Later to find out they were actually based in Sri Lanka. (That’s part of Asia for those of you who are geographically challenged).  After several skypes at odd hours they invited me to come stay at the retreat, teach yoga, learn to surf, all on a ….wait for it… 3 MONTH contract. I wasn’t specific in my journal, I just said Asia and 3 months, and bipity bopity boo my wish came true.

Making sense now? Is this enough proof for you non-believers? You put it out there to the universe and you do it with a shit ton of faith, a positive attitude, sprinkle some gratitude, and poof! It’s like having a personal genie lamp. But hey, these are all good things right. All the amazing positive things that I attracted. But what about negative? Can you manifest that? Yes, and majority of the time we do it unconsciously.

We have shitatious behavior patterns that we picked up when we’ve had a bad experience or from people we look up to telling us “that just the way it is” stories. Then we hold on to it. And believe that every situation is going to be the same cause that’s just our luck. Then we get pulled into a cycle of bullshit that we created and end up with our hands on our hips telling people “see! I told you so.” For the past several years I’ve manifested bad relationships. All because of a few assholes who changed my perspective on men. FYI: I’m still working on this one. It’s taking some time to reap what I’ve sowed.

All guys are going to cheat on me because they will find someone prettier. This started when I first got cheated on. I never in a million years thought anyone would cheat on me! I’m a catch, I’m smart, I got it going on, I’m hip! While I’ve learned that his actions never had anything to do with me I still took it personal. And because I believed that guys are cheaters I constantly attracted cheaters. Time after time after time. I did it to myself. I brought that into my life. Every relationship I went into with skepticism and a closed heart. And then because I manifested it, I could end the relationship knowing how right I was and how all men are the same and the cycle continues.

Sure I may have had a little hope that this one is different. But deep down, the bitter seed of doubt was still there. And every time I got cheated, the seed got watered. Until I found myself single for years in between relationships. Never fully learning how they are built to last but learning how to walk away, or run away.

When you look at a negative situation it’s easy to agree that I just choose shitty guys and that maybe my type isn’t my type. Or maybe I just have a crap attitude that clouds my vision to see through the bullshit before it’s too late.

In other words, we have complete control over our lives and it can be kind of weird. So go out there and manifest something. Feel it in your bones, have it pour from your heart, and believe in everything that is not seen.