Don’t be fooled by the title. I’m still learning. And to be completely honest I’m still perfecting my craft on how to apply what I’ve learned.

If you’re someone who just gets upset and doesn’t tell your partner why, this blog might be helpful. If you’re someone who is afraid to approach your boss/co-workers, this blog might be helpful. If you’re struggling to set boundaries in friendships, this blog might be helpful.

I’ve always struggled with speaking up. I don’t like to throw out my opinion and wave it around like a “fact flag.” I avoid drama like the plague. I’m kind of a baby about it all really.

I could go through several examples from incidents in school, jobs, and especially relationships but I like to keep my blogs short and sweet. (Are ya still with me?)

Why is it so hard to communicate? It’s not always the speaking up part that is troubling. It’s the our emotional reaction that could effect our ego that spooks us. The “what if they hate me after I say this” thought. I’m kind of telling you to get over yourself. (sorry not sorry.)

LESSON 1: A closed mouth doesn’t get fed.

It’s almost like letting the fear of confrontation begins to toxicify your thoughts. (Toxicfy is not a word, grammar police.)

I truly believed I was a good communicator. But when it came down to setting boundaries with friends and at work I found myself unhappy because I didn’t feel comfortable voicing my thoughts. Sometimes you just have to put your adult panties on and JUST FUCKING SAY IT.

A wise woman once said, ” I want it, I got it.” (Ariana Grande).

I want a raise? I have to ask. I want my staff to get THESE tasks done THIS WAY and done by THIS TIME. You better freaking tell them! Boyfriend keeps leaving the toilet seat up but it’s too soon in the relationship to start complaining? Have fun falling into an abyss in the middle of the night.

LESSON 2: It’s starts with the little things.

When I entered a new relationship I was going to make sure I didn’t make the same mistakes. I was going to communicate with compassion. Instead of saying nothings wrong when something is very obviously wrong, I’ll collect my thoughts and open up. (Still working on this.) Sometimes I don’t know whats wrong, so I’ll just say “I don’t know but if I figure it out I’ll tell you.” And if it’s something you don’t want to share just freaking say that! It doesn’t have to be the whole “nothing’s wrong” charade.

LESSON 3: Not just communicating, but being heard!

Short and sweet is how I like it. If you’re tip-toeing around the tough conversations then your message wont be clear and you won’t be heard. (some people just don’t listen, learn to live with that.) When it comes to setting boundaries you need to nip it in the bud. You let something go on for too long they’re going to get confused why it bothers you now but not before. I know it’s hard because we want to be adored and liked and seen as the coolest person ever! I know this sounds crazy, but people will respect you more for it.

LESSON 4: The worst they could say is no!

Terrified to ask your boss for a raise or time off? Scared to ask for a favor from a friend? Does the thought of asking your mother-in-law to babysit for a couple hours gives you anxiety?! (too far?) The absolute worse response is “no”. Maybe a “fuck no” is worse. But hey, now you have your answer and exhausted that option and can move on!

Ok I think I’ve made my point. Basically communicating and confrontation is a tough thing to learn. I think this also comes with age/maturity. These examples are really surface and may not resonate with you. But I have no doubt that you’re reading this recalling times you wish you had spoke up. I’m still working on finding my authority and voice. I’m still learning on communicating boundaries. But since I have stepped into my voice and became clear with what I want my personal and work life have improved.

PS: I’m considering on doing a blog on communication in the bedroom? A rather taboo post 🙂 Leave a comment if you think I should write about this!?

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